Opening Up
by kouklitsa
Summary: Fanrush Alphabet Fic Challenge. ONESHOT Charlie needs to talk, and only Alan knows exactly how he can get his son to open up.


My contribution to the Alphabet Fic Challenge

O is for Opening up.

The only sound in the dining room was Charlie's computer humming happily and the movements of the mouse he swirled around in circles on the mouse pad. He rested his head on his other free hand and stared at his screen; his eyes following the pointers' motion as it danced around on his desktop. Charlie started his work this morning in the garage, but couldn't focus and decided to change working environment in hopes that would get his linger mind back on track.

When that hadn't worked either Charlie gave up. By now he was getting used to his mind being cluttered with non-mathematical issues, being an unfortunate side effect of growing older and stopped protesting as he knew his attempts would be futile. Whatever it was that clouded his mind, it needed his attention, and he learned that ignoring it would only make matters worse.

Charlie didn't move a muscle when he heard his father had come home knowing it would compel his father to come over and talk to him. Charlie never used to start a conversation about his personal feelings or his emotional condition but like any other human being he needed to vent every now and then.

One part of his mind dreading having to talk and trying to avoid these conversations at all costs another learned to express his need for conversation by altering his body language, signaling the people that knew him well enough to pick up on the change in behavior. Charlie realized this behavioral change right around the time his mother got seriously ill and passed away.

He desperately tried to shut down this basic survival method, afraid of having to say out loud what pained him. Afraid that by saying the words it would change how he felt, replacing his pain and sadness with relief and comfort. Something he didn't feel worthy of at the time. But that had not worked out well at all, swearing never to forsake his inner self again, for his own wellbeing as well as that of the ones close to him.

---

Alan knew instantly something was wrong when he saw Charlie slouching at the dining table, head resting on one hand, not reacting to the closing of the door announcing his presence.

Alan had learned long ago this was Charlie's way of saying he needed to talk, that something was bothering him. When Charlie was little, he knew exactly when Charlie had done something he shouldn't have or when something had happened that upset him. The otherwise so lively Charlie would have no particular expression on his little face revealing how he felt but his tiny body would scream that he wasn't at all comfortable and needed attention by taking on a statue like posture. A lot had changed as Charlie got older, except for that particular trait and Alan was glad that it hadn't.

When his mother got ill, Alan saw a shift in his all too familiar way to reach out to him and talk about how he felt. In fact, it disappeared for quite a while leaving Alan unable to find ways to connect with Charlie and have him open up to say what was on his mind. Alan decided at the time to let go, and wait for his youngest son to get back to his former self again which he knew, in time, would happen.

---

Alan strode up to his youngest son and when he was right next to him he stood still, looking at Charlie's repetitive movements with the mouse. Alan waited a couple more seconds before placing a hand on his shoulder.

"You try to hypnotize yourself Charlie?" Alan joked breaking the deafening silence.

Charlie, who had expected his father to come over and talk to him jolted unwillingly at the sound on his fathers' voice. Sitting in the same position in complete silence for a long period of time was to blame for that.

"Hey dad, I didn't hear you come in" Charlie responded letting go of the mouse and lifting his head from the hand it was resting on.

"So I've noticed." Alan replied as he walked over to the other side of the dining table." Mind if I sit down?"

"No, go ahead" Charlie said crossing his arms along his chest.

Alan watched Charlie take on a defensive posture, something he knew would happen if whatever was on Charlie's mind was really bothering him. Alan would have to be careful with what he would say next, give Charlie time to decide if he wanted to talk about this now, or leave it for later.

"The garage not to your liking today I see" Alan said pointing a finger at the computer and the numerous papers scattered on the dining room table.

Charlie's pulled his crossed arms into an even tighter embrace, not showing a single emotion on his face. But he didn't shut down, and kept sending that message to Alan that he needed to talk.

"Not really, no" Charlie's responded flatly.

As Charlie took on an even more defensive posture Alan knew he had to throw in the heavy arms to get Charlie to talk. Why Charlie always needed to make this so incredibly difficult still was beyond him, but Alan knew his son through and through. He made it clear he had something on his mind he needed to talk about so Alan would have to turn it up a notch before Charlie would crack.

"And I take it the change of scenery didn't do the trick either?" Alan continued carefully glancing over some papers.

"What makes you say that?" Charlie answered leaning back in the chair, arms still crossed.

Alan felt a little more content when he saw his son change position from the corner of his eye. Even though Charlie's attitude still indicated he was not ready to talk, the fact that he relaxed a little meant he was getting close.

"Well, I'd have to say the way you were circling that mouse was the dead give way. Unless you're working on a mathematical problem and circling the mouse was essential to solving it, because if that's the case I'll just leave you to it and mind my own business." Alan explained going in for the kill moving himself to get out of the chair.

Charlie's earlier expressionless face now displayed a faint smile, and his he now place his crossed arms on top of each other on the edge of the table appearing a bit more approachable than he had been since Alan had come home.

"No… dad, you're right. Change of work environment didn't do the trick either" He sighed staring at the computer screen.

Alan lowered himself back into the chair. Charlie was almost ready, just a little nudge and he'd be able to get whatever it was that bothered him off his chest.

"You want to talk about it?" Alan asked knowing that the answer would be 'no'.

"Not really, there's nothing to talk about really. My mind just reached a mental impasse, that's all" Charlie replied just as Alan anticipated.

In his last attempt to get Charlie finally to open up to him, Alan resorted to one of his most favorite non-verbal aids in history. Mirroring. By sitting opposite his son and now seeking direct eye contact he hoped Charlie would mirror his open posture unconsciously allowing him to let go of his minds safeguard preventing him from sharing his inner troubles.

Alan placed his right arm on the table, palm facing down and pointing at Charlie.

"A mental impasse huh" Alan repeated as he looked Charlie straight in the eyes.

Charlie nodded and moved his left arm into a similar position as his fathers', the other still close to his body.

"These impasses have anything to do with Amita possibly going away to Harvard?" Alan asked placing his left arm in on the table in the same manner as he did his right.

Charlie winced at the mention of Amita and the prominent university name in the same sentence but mimicked his fathers' movement none the less as he placed his other arm in the same position assuming a true open position. Alan took in a deep, satisfied breath. Charlie was ready now and Alan prepared for what would be a waterfall of words.

"Not so much her possibly leaving but more my behavior since she told me. I don't even recognize myself sometimes anymore" Charlie confessed looking away from his father.

Alan sought Charlie's eyes again before asking him a second question.

"How has your behavior been then since she told you" He asked his son.

"Compromising. Selfish. Even desperate at times." He answered almost disgusted.

"Not the most handsome and appealing of features Charlie, I have to agree." Alan nodded.

Charlie's ran his hands through his hair as he continued.

"I just can't get my head around it. I should be happy for her, all my life I've been able to pursue all my personal aspirations with the people who care for me standing right behind me cheering me on. I know how good that feels, and she deserves the same from me. Why is it so hard to look beyond what I want and give her the support she's needs?

"Perhaps the problem you have is making up your mind on what it is you want to be." Alan said.

"What do you mean?" Charlie asked with a frown.

"Do you want to be a good man who forsakes his own feelings thinking that's what is in her best interest and not behave like a horse's behind, or do you want to be a great man that doesn't?" He answered.

"I don't see how that answers my question dad" Charlie said looking a bit annoyed.

"Charlie, how do you think you'd feel if she decides to take up on the offer" He asked ignoring his son's annoyed remark.

"I don't know, I mean it's a fantastic offer. I realize that. And there's nothing here for her really, except… "Charlie answered but didn't finish his sentence

"Except what Charlie? You?" Alan asked in an almost mocking tone. "Maybe you've been so compromising and selfish because you've been feeling passed over. Not important enough to be considered a reason to stay." Alan commented eyeing his son's reaction.

Charlie merely shrugged and his father continued.

"The difference between a good man and a great man Charlie is that a great man is comfortable and secure enough to tell her how he truly feels no matter what. No make believe and no pretend. Just the plain truth. A great man would at least have given her a choice."

"What kind of choice could I possibly give her?" Charlie retorted a little more annoyed.

"The choice whether or not you might be worth staying for or not." Alan replied.

Charlie shook his head.

"I don't know how I feel dad." Charlie spoke in a small voice.

He could see the sadness in his son's eyes. Alan knew his words had come down hard on Charlie. But he was still there, still wanting to talk and still wanting to listen to what his old man had to say.

"If you really think she'll accept and you feel she doesn't think you're worth her wild Charlie, than maybe this is just a case of you simply wanting what you can't have" Alan said as he folded his hands together.

Charlie's eyes shot fire, and suddenly stood up.

"I'm done talking" He muttered and made his way to the garage.

Alan stood up as well and grabbed his son by the arm.

"Charlie, sooner or later you'll have to make up your mind. Whether you like to or not. Don't let this be one of those things that you will regret for the rest of you life, wondering what could be" Alan said slowly letting go of Charlie's arm

"You're a great man dad, you've always been a great man" Charlie answered gently squeezing his fathers' arm.

"And so are you Charlie" Alan answered in a soft tone.

"Not quite yet, but after tonight I will be." Charlie replied as he pulled his cell phone from his pocket.

Alan closed his eyes and listened to Charlie asking Amita to come over. He knew getting Charlie to open up has always been a challenge, but the reward has every time been worth much more than the effort.

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End file.
